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we used to go round in circles
in seething silences we awaited answers that would never soothe nor appease
but would let the hurt linger

or most often still - no answer at all

A sigh
and his head in his hands
world weary
and wary of tired excuses
and feeling under attack
all he knew was nothing at all

no reason or logic
no answers to whys and

could you have not just put the bottle back

he said it was not as simple as that

it took time to learn
to learn that it's him but it's not
that these circles don't help
that the whys and the weary eyes won't ever make it stop

so despite myself i said
it's ok
I'm still proud of you
And i was

there was sadness still that we'd be back here once more
but if his drinking was fuelled by shame
then something had to change

cause god knows he's trying

so he had to see
he could be more than this
that he is more than this

he's my dad
And he's a good man
And I'm proud