While I'm a positive person, it's fair to say that the last five years or so have brought with them a myriad of difficult life situations. I've had a lot of good times too, but there has been a sense of survival: of having to push through and find the good.
2014 started off difficult, but then everything seemed to settle down. I started on a new medication (Ivabradine) and consequently my health improved to the point of barely being conscious of POTS, my Dad is doing so much better (read about our alcoholism story here), and I had good people around me.
I started to relax: laughing more, louder (whether that’s a good thing for others I don’t know) and lighter. I guess you could say I'm content. It's novel and it's real nice.
And that's why I haven’t written on here in a good while. I’ve been enjoying life, making plans and enjoying downtime.
But also because it’s a little bewildering having things feel ok. Obviously it's brilliant but it's also new, and in terms of blogging - I found myself questioning who I am when I’m not surviving something but just living a normal little life.
This turned into a bit of a health/illness blog, and a place where I’d rant about things that made me frustrated. Suddenly I was at a loss as to what to write.
But I do enjoy writing and I want to get back to writing about the things that I love, like theatre and books (and also still the things that get me all riled up).
Reading Laura from Superlatively Rude's You Do Not Need To Be Broken To Be Interesting was super helpful for reminding me of the importance of getting back to what that I have to say about subjects besides struggles. [Read all of her things. She's ace.]
Next year is already looking like a wonderful mix of terrifying and exciting. Ten months after applying for my provisional driving license it arrived last month, so learning to drive in 2015 is one mission. Then I have a two-week solo trip (a Contiki tour) to Thailand, Laos and Cambodia booked for May, just after my 25th birthday.
To do both of these things I'm having to be very careful with money which is a lesson in itself. I'm choosing how I spend my money and time and that feels good. I'm quite guilty of wasting time, as we all are, but I just want to be more mindful of that. Doing things that make me happier.
As always, I want to read more but I also want to get [back] into exercise now that I'm physically able to. I'm not setting any grandiose goals, I just want to get moving and feel good.
And I want to repeat my 2014 aim of having more fun, making more plans, and being better at staying in touch with people.
And I’m excited. Can you tell?
So, I really hope you all have a wonderful 2015. And do whatever the hell you want. And be who you are. And make time for people you love, and tell them you love them, and if that's hard then make them know - it's important. And make time for you too.